Being in the middle of Insomnia, hurts
My insomnia started right after my only sister died. We were intertwined in so many ways, such that her sudden death took a big part of me. Sadly, it seems like she went with my sleep too. I found myself tossing and turning in bed every night long after everyone in my family had fallen asleep. No matter how much I tried to focus on finding sleep, I would end up end up staring at the ceiling board of my bedroom, feeling frustrated about my state of sleeplessness.
At first, I thought the insomnia will disappear with time. Unfortunately, it has been about four months and I have not gotten a night of uninterrupted sleep. I have trouble falling asleep, and even when I manage to fall asleep, I end up waking up after a short while. It is really affecting my health!
I wake up tired than I was before I went to bed. Every morning, I have to depend on a strong cup of coffee to kick start my day. If I do not pump caffeine into my body, I feel like a helpless mess. My boss at work keeps asking me if I am okay, because this lack of sleep makes me so dull and moody. Even my friends and family keep telling me that I am no longer the same. I always space out and keep to myself, because I do not have the energy and drive to engage into the things that used to interest me.
A few weeks ago, my best friend invited me for a party as a way to cheer me up. I was really excited to do something that would make me embrace the fine side of life. I didn’t know that going to this party would show me just how much the insomnia had affected my life. After spending two hours at the party, I felt like the ground beneath me was spinning. My head was pounding so much, that I had to excuse myself and go home.
The lack of sleep has taken over my life. Sometimes I get so exhausted that I have to call someone to pick me from work, for the fear of causing an accident if I drive myself home. As if that is not enough, I have realized that my skin is no longer as flawless as it used to be. I have dark circles around my eyes, and even though I use moisturizer before going to bed, I still wake up with a dried out skin that looks lifeless.
I think that what makes my insomnia worse, is the fact that I keep obsessing everyday on whether I will be able to get some sleep. The more I think about it, the more sleep becomes elusive. It frustrates me to no end! Some nights, I try to listen to slow soothing music in the hopes of getting some shut eye, but it takes me so long to fall asleep.
For now, I am relying on hopes, that someday I will be able to get the recommended 7-8 hours of uninterrupted sleep. Otherwise, I fear that I will no longer be the same again!